


One Year Later.

by revengefrankislife



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 15:10:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7057597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revengefrankislife/pseuds/revengefrankislife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"A year, huh? It's hard to believe, isn't it?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Year Later.

"A year, huh? It's hard to believe, isn't it?

'I'm sorry I never came to visit before today, Gerard, I just... I didn't want to have to come to terms with the fact that you're here instead of doing something stupid, like you should be. Why aren't you behind the school building smoking or getting stuck in a tree because you wanted to see who could climb the highest?" Frank tipped his head back and sighed, his breath steaming in the cold morning air. "I remember that day, when you got stuck in that tree. Ray said that he'd found this really nice creek that we could fuck about in, but then we got lost and Mikey bet that you couldn't get to the top of the dead tree and I had to help you down because you got scared." He smiled to himself. Frank could feel the dewdrops on the grass from last night's downpour seeping through his jeans and onto his knees but he didn't care. Gerard was there. But he also wasn't. "You would have laughed at that story, Gee," he whispered into the morbid silence of the park. "Please laugh.'

'I went to see your mom today. She's doing okay – I think Mikey being with her is really helping her cope. She set a place for you at the table, as if she expected you to come down from your room and put your feet up on the table as if nothing had happened. We didn't point it out, though, even when she put food on your plate.'

'Your dinner went cold, Gerard."

A few drops of water trickled off of the branch above his head as a robin landed in the tree, calling out to all around the park. Frank hadn't seen the recognisable bird in a while. Winter was evidently on its way.

"I guess another reason I put off just dropping in was... I was angry at you. I was angry at you, and I was angry at myself _for_ being angry at you. And I shouldn't have been angry at you. Looking back at myself a few months after you left, I kinda see that I was angry at your absence, not so much you. It's just that- you took more than just _you_ with you when you left. That doesn't make much sense, huh? That's never been one of my strong points, making sense to others. And I think, I think that's why you were different – special, in a way. You understood me; when my mom didn't, when my friends didn't – hell, in the end I think you understood me more than I understood myself. And that made me very, very happy.'

'And suddenly, you weren't there anymore.' 

'You were gone."

Frank took a deep breath, ignoring the tears threatening to run down his face, ignoring the cracking of his voice, ignoring the numbness of his legs. He could do this.

"What I meant by you taking more than just yourself is that- well, you made me happier than I have ever been, Gerard. I was sad when I met you and then I was happy, so, so happy, but then you left and the sadness was so bad I begun to wish that I had never met you because at the time I think that may have been a little easier. I was lost, Gerard. I was very lost – in my mind, in the world, in this stupid, _stupid_ village that you swore we'd get out of once I graduated. I was lost, and you found me but then I lost you and now I'm more lost than before. Fuckin' cliché.

Do you remember the night I kissed you for the first time? I wasn't completely sober, but it was a thought I'd had in my mind for months that didn't go away no matter how wasted I was. You told me that we couldn't date because you didn't want to hurt me, that you being with me would ruin me.

If you think the time we spent together was ruining me then I think I like being destroyed."

Frank stiffened as he felt something drop onto his knee. He was crying, but it was expected so he didn't try to stop.

"It feels like wasted time, all the fights we had. I knew exactly what buttons to press and so did you – we both knew how they would end, though. Our fights always ended the same way. One of us would go too far and the other would storm off, only to be chased and repetitively apologised to until everything was fine. Why did we fight so much, Gerard? I asked Mikey the same thing, and he thought it was okay. He said fighting _with_ somebody you love is okay as long as you're willing to fight _for_ them. I think it did balance out in the end. We had our fights – _holy shit_ did we have our fights – but in all honesty, I think I've lost track of the amount of times that we fought for each other. That's what it bubbles down to, though. That's what really mattered."

A young girl, maybe fourteen of fifteen walked past Frank and flashed him a quick smile. Good, he thought to himself. You could talk to a grave and not be considered strange.

"Will I ever truly get over you? I'm asking myself this more than anything else.

I don't think so. I'm getting better at accepting you're gone – I've stopped using the present tense when I'm talking about you and stuff like that. I helped your mom sort your room and we got through it without crying, which I'll admit was hard. I kept a few of your shirts – I sleep with them sometimes. They smell like you. That sounds kinda creepy, doesn't it? I'm going off-topic. I think – after a long, long year – that I've come to terms with the fact that you're gone, and you're... you're not coming back.

There hasn't been a day where you haven't crossed my mind, Gerard. I think about you every single day – but it's come to a point where that's okay. It's mostly happy thoughts, now; things that make me smile to myself instead of wanting to cry. And I can tell you with confidence that feeling like that is an improvement.

Because when you left, Gee – oh god. I couldn't hear your name without crying for weeks. I couldn't walk past our tree (the one we had our second kiss in) without breaking down. Just thinking about you forced me to sit with my head between my knees until I was calm again. But it's been a year now, and I think it's okay. Your name is kinda more a happy thought, instead of a feeling of being stabbed in the back.

I don't think I'll ever stop missing you – like, there's not gonna be a day that I could think "It's fine that he's gone," but I think I can get to a point where, instead of me just being upset that you're gone, I can think of you and just solely be glad that we had the time we had together. I'm not quite there yet, but I think I will be one day."

Frank laid the rose on Gerard's grave and stood up, feeling the ache in his legs from sitting on them for so long.

"I'm happy I met you, Gerard. It hurt – it still hurts – but I'm happy.

I'm happy that we got to spend that time together."

He gave the stone a final small smile, and then turned to walk out of the cemetery gates. It had been an entire year, but Frank could do it now. He could think of Gerard and still be smiling; maybe end up with a bigger smile than before. It had been a year.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't like this but it's been on wattpad for a year or so now and i figured i may as well add it here. please leave feedback i'm a kudos hoe. also if it's shit tell me WHY it's shit.


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